Insomnia
by WreckedMetal
Summary: Summary: Hiroki was wide awake. He didn’t want to admit it but he knew perfectly well what was keeping him awake in the middle of the night… Egoist fluff and smut.


**Insomnia**

_Summary: Hiroki was wide awake. He didn't want to admit it but he knew perfectly well what was keeping him awake in the middle of the night… Egoist fluff and smut._

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Hiroki was wide awake. Outside the dark night was illuminated only by a pale moonlight, the air was chilly in the late autumn. Sleep refused to come and no matter how tired Hiroki felt he kept tossing and turning with a constant frown on his forehead. He didn't want to admit it but he knew perfectly well what was keeping him awake in the middle of the night…

Earlier the same day he had shown a documentary about world war two in his class. This because they were at the moment focusing on the impact the war had had on literature in both Japan and internationally. This particular documentary focused on the war out of the civilians' perspective in Britain. Quite soon he had realized that it wasn't a very good documentary, it was full of sentimentality and instead of focusing on facts it simply told sad stories so the audience would be moved. No surprise it had worked on the idiots that made up his class. An audible snarl escaped his lips as he heard quiet sobs around the room. _Stupid brats_. He thought annoyed.

He considered turning the blasted thing of but as he could felt a slight headache throbbing in the back of his head he decided against it. _Its only ten minutes left of the lesson and these idiots would just ask some stupid question on anything I say anyway! _

So instead he let his thoughts wander and he felt a brief irritation come over him when he remembered that Nowaki was working the evening shift. He wouldn't be home until late. Annoyed at himself for feeling irritated over such a thing, he insistently turned his attention back to the movie.

"Did you ever remarry?" They seemed to be in the middle of an interview with an old lady.

"No… You see, well, I tried to move on… find a new love or at least someone I liked. But I just couldn't love anyone but him." She stated and smiled gently.

Hiroki couldn't help but to feel oddly intrigued by this woman. All the other people that had been interviewed had simply spoken as they remembered some very old memories (which they obviously was) but this woman was different somehow.

"Thomas was the only one for me." Her voice was full of determination. "I have never looked at another man the way I looked at him. I still think about him every day."

"What happened to him?"

"The ship he was on got hit by a torpedo." The woman paused a moment but soon continued. "Everyone on the ship was killed." She smiled a crooked little smile "the day he died I was at the cinema, watching a movie and laughing with a friend of mine" She let out a soft laughter that clearly wasn't out of joy.

"You think that… when the person you love more than life, more than your family, more than anything in the world is gone, you would… know. You think that you will feel when that person is no longer in this world. But you don't, you don't know anything until they come to tell you. Until they stand there on your doorstep and you know that the life you imagined is gone forever."

Hiroki was fascinated, the woman's voice had never started to shake; she hadn't started crying nor did she seem to get lost in her memories. Her dark eyes didn't show any sorrow just…love_._ The affection in her voice and her eyes when she talked about Thomas was obvious. 70 years hadn't made her love fade one bit.

Hiroki was stunned and when they changed to another person to interview he paid it no attention. He couldn't stop himself from imagining the woman when she had gotten the news of Thomas' death. How had she reacted to the fact that her beloved was dead?

When he pictured it he could see her falling down on her knees clutching her chest from the pain that came rushing in. He imagined her struggling to breath and how the priest that had come along to deliver the news had kneeled down next to her and quietly said meaningless lines which had never reached her ears. Hiroki was so absorbed by his thoughts that he didn't even notice when the bell rang and the students left the room, overjoyed that they apparently could escape the class without any chalk related injuries.

All day his thoughts kept returning to the woman and now, as he lay alone in bed, he knew why he couldn't go to sleep. He kept thinking about if it was him. What if it was him that had gotten the news? He could feel a cold creeping into his heart by the mere thought of it. Although he didn't want to admit it, he knew that without Nowaki he would not feel anything for anything anymore.

He would not care about his few friends. Not about his precious books, not about eating, not about sleeping. He knew that without Nowaki he would be lost. The pain he felt in his whole body just by thinking about it told him that if it was him that had gotten the news, he probably wouldn't be able to handle it.

However when Hiroki started to feel salt tears burning in the back of his eyes he cursed himself loudly and threw his pillow at the door.

"ARGH! Stupid movie that makes me think about these stupid things! I would NOT miss that stupid brat; I'm twenty nine years old dammit!"

But the cold refused to leave his body. _A shower will take my mind off these ridiculous things _he thought to himself and quickly stripped of his pajamas and got in the shower.

With the water running he didn't hear the door open and close quietly (trying not to wake his precious Hiro-san) as Nowaki came home. With his mind occupied with trying hard not to think about a dead Nowaki he didn't even register that Nowaki came in to the bathroom and took off his clothes. Not until two strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist did he notice that he wasn't alone.

"W-what are you doing you brat!" He screamed and began to struggle; he could feel himself turning bright red from embarrassment.

Hiroki's mind however, wouldn't let go of the thoughts he had been pondering on the whole day, and so, amidst of all his confusion and embarrassment the picture of himself kneeling down on the ground clutching his chest in pain and trying to breath came before his eyes. And before Nowaki even could begin his normal tricks to get Hiroki to calm down he was still.

Nowaki furrowed his brows and didn't really know what to make of this new behavior. Abruptly Hiroki turned around so he was facing Nowaki and wrapped his arms around his lover's waist while burying his bright red face in Nowaki's broad chest.

Nowaki started to panic slightly and his thought jumbled together trying to make sense of it all.

"Hiro-san what's wrong!?" he asked in a worried voice.

Hiroki simply huffed while the water kept running down their bodies.

"Nothing" he quietly said leaning into Nowaki.

"Should we go to a hospital?" Nowaki asked a bit franticly.

"No! You moron! Stop acting like an idiot!"

Nowaki gave a sigh of relief at this outburst of normalcy and decided to simply enjoy this unusual act of affection from his Hiro-san. He figured that Hiro-san would tell him what was going on if he wanted to and was ready.

So instead of asking more questions Nowaki let his hand travel up Hiroki's body and caress his lover's neck, Hiroki sighed contently but couldn't help but to hug Nowaki more tightly as he imagined if he never again could feel him this close. The hand stroking his neck suddenly grabbed a bit more tightly and gently forced his head back allowing their eyes to meet. The love Hiroki saw in those big blue eyes made his breath hitch.

Nowaki brought his own head down so their foreheads touched. Hiroki could feel his heart hurt from all the emotions he felt in that single moment and before he could stop himself he stood up on his toes and planted a small kiss on Nowaki's lips. He could feel his cheeks turning bright red again and he briefly considered running away but then Nowaki's lips claimed his and deepened the kiss, and all Hiroki could do was to respond. Their lips moved slowly against each other as the water kept running around them.

They took their time showering and shared sweet kisses under the running water. After a while they got into bed. Hiroki snuggled up by Nowaki's side and Nowaki's arm held him protectable around his back. Hiroki couldn't stop himself from burying his face deeper in Nowaki's chest, trying to get even closer. After much hesitation he squashed his pride and quietly whispered.

"Nowaki?"

Nowaki hummed affirmative as to tell Hiroki that he was awake. After a pause Hiroki continued nervously.

"If I em..you know if I were to. Y-you know..." Hiroki got quiet for a bit, as if struggling with himself, and then let out an exasperated sigh; "Argh! Forget it! It's not important" Hiroki blushed deeply and cursed himself inwardly at his own stupidity.

His stuttering had however caught Nowaki's attention and he was determined to find out what Hiroki had been trying to say, he had a feeling that somehow it was connected to Hiroki's very odd behavior this evening. Moving swiftly he turned and caged Hiroki under him with his hands on either side of Hiroki's head.

"Hiro-san, please tell me."

Hiroki blushed deeper and yelled out of embarrassment "No, you brat! It's nothing you need to know."

"But Hiro-san, please, I really want to know. Please tell me."

Hiroki winced at the pleading look in Nowaki's eyes and felt his resolve crumble. He could never resist that face. So he locked away his remaining pride in the back of his mind and resumed his earlier stuttering.

"I..I saw this…em…documentary today. It was really bad! Just a bunch of sentimental crap! Ehh…but that's not what I…" Hiroki paused and squeezed his eyes shut but managed to continue. "It was about world war two and this woman in it had lost her husband in the war, but still couldn't forget him. And I just..w-well I kept thinking about if it was… m-me." The last part was barely a whisper as most of Hiroki's energy went to keeping his embarrassment in check.

Nowaki didn't fully comprehend what Hiroki had meant

"If it was you?" he asked confused. Hiroki glared annoyed at him.

"Yes!" He said angrily. "If it was me that got the news that you were..." He choked at the last word and lowered his eyes and voice. "dead" he whispered.

"Hiro-san." Nowaki was perplexed, he didn't expect this.

Not wanting Nowaki to say something that surely would embarrass him even more Hiroki kept going.

"Ehm..a-and I was just thinking about how I would ..eh..react if that happen." He squirmed uncomfortably and avoided his lovers gaze. "A-anyway ha h-ha ha! It's nothing important, let's go to bed!" _Damn I can't believe I actually told him that! I'm Kamijou the devil for God sake! I shouldn't get so worked up over this. _

Nowaki could feel his heart melting at what the other man had told him. Sensing that Hiroki was close to making a run for it, he moved his hands up to cup his loves face and forcing him to look him in the eyes.

"Thank you Hiro-san" Hiroki blushed an even darker shade of red at those words and glared at Nowaki. Unfazed Nowaki continued: "Thank you for thinking about me, but don't worry, I won't ever leave you."

"You don't know that!" Eyebrows furrowed he glared at Nowaki. "You might get hit by a car or get sick or s-something." Nowaki smiled sweetly.

"Yes that's true, but I'll promise I'll be careful and even if I would die I would never leave you. Even if I had to haunt you as a ghost I would come back for you" Hiroki's eyes widen slightly at this but just mumbled at quiet "idiot".

When Nowaki let out a small chuckle Hiroki glared angrily at him, but that was ended by Nowaki's lips that claimed his Hiro-san's. After a short resistance Hiroki gave in and their lips moved sensually against each other and Hiroki could feel his head swim with emotions.

Soon the kiss deepened and Nowaki somehow managed to sneak his tongue into Hiroki's mouth. Hiroki could feel the lust and passion that was in the kiss and he couldn't stop a moan from escaping from his throat when Nowaki's hand started stroking down his neck and chest.

"N-Nowaki" Hiroki whispered breathlessly, "Its late, we shouldn't..mpf!" his protests was efficiently stopped by Nowaki's tongue that invaded his mouth once again.

"I love you Hiro-san, and I won't ever leave you. "

"yeah" blushing slightly and lowering his voice to barely a whisper Hiroki continued "I-I won't leave you either."

Nowaki thought his heart might actually explode from happiness when he heard those cute words from his love. A lustful "Hiro-san" was all the warning Hiroki got before Nowaki attacked his lips with such frenzy that he forgot to protest.

Nowaki's tongue explored Hiroki's hot mouth and caressed his tongue lovingly. Needing to breath, Hiroki broke the kiss, Nowaki however immediately moved on to kissing his neck and softly trailed a path of kisses up his ear where he bit Hiroki's earlobe slightly. Hiroki simply gasped at this and started to feel really, really hot all over.

Nowaki was in a state of pure bliss, _I can't believe that Hiro-san would think so hard about something concerning me! He is so adorable." _ He wanted to touch his Hiro-san all over and never let him go. He wanted to let him know just how much he loved him.

"ahhh..mm, Nowaki..we got work.. AHH" He desperately tried to push Nowaki off but found that his arms had suddenly gone all weak _Damn kid, making me all flustered like this_

"If you say such cute things Hiro-san I won't be able to leave you alone"_. _Nowaki whispered in a husky tone that made shivers go down Hiroki's spine.

Nowaki's fingers gently pinched and stroked Hiroki's nipples making him arch up into Nowaki's touch. Before Hiroki even registered what had happened his pajama shirt was lost somewhere on the floor and Nowaki's hot mouth enveloped his hardened nipple.

"What? So it's nngh..my fault now? Nowa..Ahhh"

Nowaki just let his tongue flicker against Hiroki's nipple as his answer and all Hiroki could do was moan at the touch.

While stroking Hiroki's nipple with his hot tongue his hands travelled further down, gripping the older man's ass, caressing it softly. He was rewarded with a low moan and no more attempts to protest were heard from his lover.

Nowaki continued to lick and gently suck on Hiroki's nipples while he let his leg move up to rub between Hiroki's legs.

"MMmmm..ahh AH!" Hiroki cursed his inability to form a coherent thought but when Nowaki softly bit his nipple he decided that maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Tugging at Nowaki's t-shirt he tried to get it off and Nowaki's quickly complied. Hiroki would never admit it but he loved the feel of Nowaki's chest. He loved tracing the firm muscles with his fingers, he loved feeling the soft skin under hands and he loved when their chests where pressed against each other, breaths quick and labored.

After Nowaki had removed his t-shirt he swiftly moved on to Hiroki's pajama pants and jerked them down to reveal his lover's pulsating length. He could feel himself grow even harder at the sight and after taking off his own pants he leaned back to take in Hiro-san's disheveled and blushing form. He loved seeing his Hiro-san like this.

Getting impatient Hiroki reached out for Nowaki, wanting him closer and Nowaki quickly moved to satisfy his lover's demand. Once again their lips met and tongues danced together while hands roamed each other's bodies. Nowaki's hand enveloped Hiroki's hard cock and gently began stroking him. Hiroki suddenly felt that it was very hard to breath properly between all the gasps and moans that kept escaping his mouth.

"Nowaki, h-hurry!" Hiroki reached for Nowaki's other hand and started to suck on the fingers. Nowaki had to close his eyes for a moment as to not pounce on his lover and potentially hurt him. A low growl escaped his throat as Hiroki's velvety tongue flickered against his fingers and he could feel his cock pulsating almost painfully.

He quickly removed Hiroki's fingers and moved his hand down to his lover's ass as his other hand kept stroking Hiroki. His fingers circled the entrance and he pushed one finger in. Hiroki gasped and his hands clutched the sheets desperately. Sensing that Hiroki would come soon if he didn't stop stroking him Nowaki moved his hand away from Hiroki's length and instead trailed a path of kisses from his stomach up to his chest while playing with his nipples.

Nowaki slowly let his finger move in and out of Hiroki and earned a loud gasp from the older man when he wiggled his finger deep inside him. Another finger soon joined the first and not before long Nowaki slowly fucked Hiroki with three fingers, scissoring them to prepare his lover for his cock.

"AAhh! Nowaki, m-more! Hurry!" Hiroki had reached down between their bodies and began stroking Nowaki, which caused Nowaki's mind to vacate his head for a few seconds. Hiroki's insistent strokes however made him quickly get back to reality and he swiftly reached out and opened the bedside drawer only to remember; all the lube had been used last time. _Damn! _

"Lube… Hiro-san wait, I have to go get the lube in the bathroom" Nowaki pulled away and Hiroki pushed himself up so he rested on his forearms. A small pout was visible on his lips and Nowaki though that it was possibly the cutest thing he had ever seen. He quickly stood up and made his way to the bathroom.

Hiroki let himself fall back into bed (but not before stealing a glance at Nowaki's naked back which resulted in a deep blush). He could hear Nowaki rummaging around looking for the bottle of lube and Hiroki could feel a wave of desire rising inside him. He knew that soon his lover would come out from the bathroom, eyes filled with lust and love.

Hiroki couldn't stop himself from shivering at the thought of it. _If you ever leave me Nowaki I can't stand it. _Even though Hiroki had proclaimed Nowaki an idiot for telling him, he was enormously happy that the younger man had promised to never leave him even if he had to haunt him, however silly that idea was.

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki came out from the bathroom holding a bottle and smiling his brightest smile. "I found it!"

Hiroki glared at him for acting so childish, but quickly averted his eyes when he noticed how naked Nowaki was, and how hard... Smirking at Hiroki's obvious embarrassment Nowaki moved closer, dropping the bottle on the bed. But he didn't get into the bed, because the sight of his Hiro-san sitting on the bed, waiting for him made Nowaki's breath hitched in his throat. Hiroki's skin was covered in a faint film of sweat which made his body glow in the pale moonlight and his cheeks were adorned with a light pink and Nowaki simply stared in awe.

He could feel his heart expand with happiness when he thought about the fact that Hiro-san was all his and that said man, the most beautiful creature in the whole world, loved him back. _Don't ever leave me Hiro-san, please. I wouldn't be able to handle it" _

Suddenly feeling an overwhelming, almost desperate need to feel Hiro-san's touch; he reached out for his lover's hand. Hiroki was still keeping his eyes on the bed and gasped as Nowaki took a hold of his wrist and guided it to his erection. Nowaki stifled a groan as Hiroki's hand touched him.

Hiroki's eyes widen in embarrassment but he didn't let go of Nowaki's leaking organ. He looked up hesitantly and was met with a look of pure need on Nowaki's face; he swallowed hard and gripped tighter around Nowaki which earned him a low moan. Shyly he looked at Nowaki's erection but cursed himself for the way he was acting. Geez, _what am I!? A blushing virgin? It's not like I've never seen it before!_ Furrowing his brows in determination he grabbed Nowaki with both his hands and started stroking him, Nowaki simply rolled his head back and moaned, his cock twitching in Hiroki's hands.

"H-Hiro-san, wait, let me get into the bed." Nowaki quickly sat down with his back against the headboard and with Hiroki between his legs; where the latter had resumed stroking him. Just when Nowaki thought it couldn't become any better Hiroki did something that he very rarely did. He had taken Nowaki in his mouth.

While licking on the length, Hiroki continued to stroke him. Nowaki almost came right then and there but he quickly thought of a bunch of 90 year olds in nothing but their underwear and managed to hold on. Grunting he reached for the bottle of lube he had dumped on the bed earlier and applied a generous amount of it on his fingers.

Hiroki had totally forgotten his earlier shyness and eagerly took as much as he could in his mouth and sucked. He could feel Nowaki tremble under him and he loved it. Suddenly he felt slick fingers travel down his back to his ass and he started to rise up from his position, but Nowaki's other hand held his head down and after thinking about it for a few seconds he resumed what he was doing since he honestly didn't minded doing it too much, considering the wonderful sounds it made Nowaki let out.

Upon reaching Hiroki's already well-stretched hole Nowaki quickly inserted two fingers. A surprised gasp at the sudden intrusion was heard from Hiroki. That however soon changed into low moans of pleasure as the younger man, although admittedly a bit awkwardly due to the position they were in, started moving his fingers at a slow pace.

Nowaki shuddered; he had thought that by focusing on giving pleasure to Hiro-san he could distract himself a bit from the overwhelming feelings he got from Hiro-san's blowjob but he immediately noticed a big flaw in his plan. Hiroki had started sucking a lot harder when Nowaki moved his fingers inside him. _Oh my God! I can't… _Nowaki felt his release approach quickly.

"H-Hiro-san! Wait I'm..AHHHhh!"Nowaki couldn't stop himself in time and came hard in Hiroki's mouth. Hiroki was taken by surprise and choked; he quickly sat up, coughing violently.

"Hiro-san! Oh my God, I'm so sorry! How are you? I'm so sorry!" Nowaki was franticly trying to apologize while Hiroki threw a quite spectacular coughing fit. Nowaki felt awful for hurting his precious Hiro-san like that and petted Hiroki's back apologetically and eventually Hiroki managed to calm down. Somewhat red in the face and with traces tears in the corners of the eyes he breathed hard trying to catch his breath.

"It's ok... I'm fine"

"But Hiro-san I should have warned you properly! I can't believe I did something like that, but you eh you were...and it felt so good. And then you…! I-I just couldn't hold back!" Nowaki looked down dejected.

"Look, I said I was fine!" Hiroki answered heatedly and looked away in embarrassment at Nowaki words.

"Hiro-san!" Nowaki looked up with relief written all over his face. "Thank you for forgiving me." Hiroki refused to look at Nowaki; he was utterly convinced that the younger man would have a stupid smile on which would only make Hiroki even more embarrassed. Nowaki however, overwhelmed with affection (and other more heated feelings...), quickly proceeded to pounce on Hiroki, pinning him down on the bed. "Thank you so much Hiro-san!"

"W-What are you doing you brute!" Out of habit he couldn't help but to protest at the sudden move but inside he felt butterflies in his stomach and he desperately hoped Nowaki would never let go. And so, even though fairly mortified over his actions, he wrapped his legs around Nowaki's waist, gasping as he felt Nowaki's already hard cock against his own. Nowaki grinned happily and slowly planted a kiss on Hiroki's lips.

"I love you Hiro-san" he whispered and while deepening the kiss he started to push his way inside Hiroki.

"Nnn aHH! Nowaki!" Squeezing his eyes tightly shut Hiroki moaned at the feeling of Nowaki being buried deep inside him. The initial pain quickly subsided and he nodded against Nowaki's shoulder, giving him the signal to start moving. Much too slow Nowaki began to move within him, making him feel every inch of the younger man's cock as it thrust deep.

Hiroki cried out in joy as Nowaki hit his sweet spot and grabbed harder around Nowaki's shoulders.

"Harder nngha Nowaki, faster dammit!" He panted and started meeting Nowaki's thrusts with his own hips, urging Nowaki to go faster.

Nowaki felt his cock throb at the older man's words and lustful behavior and he thrust hard into that delicious heat engulfing him. Hearing his Hiro-san moan and gasp under him drove Nowaki crazy and his head was a mess. He wanted more, so much more. Unable to control himself anymore he quickly flipped Hiroki over and pulled him up on his knees so his head was still in the madras.

Without hesitating Nowaki grabbed Hiroki's hips and started thrusting deep and hard into Hiroki, which made Hiroki let out a very, very loud moan.

With his mind hazy with lust Nowaki pounded hard and fast into Hiroki's ass. Hiroki's lustful screams filled the bedroom and he met Nowaki's thrust with equal enthusiasm. Hiroki's mind was blank, all that existed right now was Nowaki and the wonderful way his cock filled him up.

Hiroki could feel his orgasm approaching fast and he desperately reached down and started stroking his cock. Nowaki was hitting his sweet spot every time and his entire body tingled with pleasure.

"Nnnghha! Nowaki! I'm..ahhh I'm going to come!"

"Yes, come Hiro-san Ahhhmm... Me to! gonna come!!"

Bending over Nowaki roughly kissed and bit Hiroki's shoulder marking him, and Hiroki lost it.

"NOWAKIIII!!! AHHHhhhh!" Hiroki saw stars explode behind his eyes and he released all over his hand, his entire body trembling. Nowaki moaned at the feeling and with a final thrust his vision became white and blurry as came hard inside Hiroki.

Panting they fell in a tangled mess on the bed, utterly exhausted.

Nowaki let his hand sneak around Hiroki's waist and planted a loving kiss on the other man's lips, feeling utterly relaxed and content. It took quite a while for their breaths to become more even and their heart rates to slow down, however after a few minutes Hiroki got tired of feeling all sticky and reached out to grab some tissues from the bedside table.

"Dammit Nowaki, how am I suppose to have any energy to work tomorrow?"

Nowaki simply laughed and hugged Hiroki tight. "Hey! I'm trying to clean us up here!" Hiroki glared at Nowaki but his heart wasn't really in it. "Ah I'm sorry Hiro-san, let me help you."

After cleaning up the mess they laid down close together. Nowaki spooned Hiroki and leisurely traced an invisible pattern along Hiroki's arm. Softly he planted a small kiss on Hiroki's neck and squeezed him a bit tighter "Good night Hiro-san, I love you."

"Mm love you too" Hiroki mumbled and felt his heart flutter slightly.

"And you know Hiro-san, don't ever think about stuff like me being gone or something like that anymore, because I'm not going anywhere, ever!"

Hiroki felt his cheeks grow warm with a blush as he remembered what had started it all. But he couldn't stop a small smile that fought its way to his lips and he squished his face into Nowaki's arm that held him protectively.

"yeah, I know." He said quietly.

Soon Hiroki felt Nowaki's breath even out and he realized that the younger man had fallen asleep. He snuggled closer to Nowaki and sighed happily. Carefully he grabbed Nowaki's hand and intertwined their fingers, feeling sleep overtake him. Tonight he wouldn't have any more problems falling asleep because he knew that they loved each other intensely and completely, and he knew that even 70 years wouldn't change either of their feelings, regardless of what happened.

_AN: Yatta! It's finished! This is my very first fan fiction ever! I really hope you liked it and please forgive any grammar mistakes I've made. I would love to know what you thought about it so please review! ^.^ _


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